How Do You Know If You Are a Good Parent?

Throughout life we all develop an idea of what defines a good mother or father.  Some of those ideas come from media, books and movies.  Certain ideas come from our own personal experiences with friends’ parents or times when our own parents made us feel a certain way.   But the picture we paint for ourselves is very rarely a complete picture.  We take away all of the ideals without any understanding of the challenges.  Let’s face it, how often do we hear people complaining about how HARD it is to be a parent?

The truth is that there is no magic answer for being a good parent.  Even within the same family different children need different things and kids go through so many different phases that as soon as you get one figured out they are moving on to the next.  To make matters worse, or at least more complicated, there are so many outside influences in your child’s life that are out of your control: teachers, friends, coaches, and social media to name a few. 

Before you despair, however, let me say that the simple fact that you are reading this is likely indicative that you are a good parent.  I know this because the only true key that I have discovered that always rings true is that if you are trying to be better then you are a good parent.  You will make plenty of mistakes and that can actually be a good thing.  It is how you handle those opportunities that matter.  By modeling taking responsibility for your own behaviors and asking for forgiveness you are showing your child that everyone makes mistakes and you have to make amends and move forward. 

Remember, it is not your job as a parent to meet every need your child has.  It is instead much better to be a resource for them so that they can learn how to meet their own needs when appropriate.  Maintaining a good connection that leaves your child feeling loved and with a safe place to land no matter what happens is the most important thing. There will be enough problems in your child’s life, but there cannot ever be too much love.

 So, try your best to be aware of your own personal baggage and triggers and don’t let them interfere with what is happening in the here and now.  Your children aren’t you.  Listen when they talk and let them know that their feelings are heard even when they aren’t agreed with.  Try to be consistent and let the rest unfold.  Parenting is a journey that will likely take you on a roller coaster ride.  Don’t worry about being prepared for every dip.  Just enjoy the ride.