Tips for Effective Communication

When I am asked to offer suggestions for improving communication, three items immediately come to my mind.  While a lot of people have been taught to express themselves well, that is as far as their communication efforts extend.  Communication is about so much more than expressing what you would like to say.  It involves keeping your emotional responses under control, having your message received by the other party, and listening effectively in order to correct any error in communication.

The first thing I educate individuals about with regard to communication is how to listen effectively.  Effective listening involves more than just hearing what the other person is saying.  You must keep your mind focused on what the other party is saying not on what you are planning to say in return.  You goal should be to make sure that you are understanding what someone is trying to say to you, especially when it is in response to something you have just said.  Make eye contact to show the other person that you are actively listening.  Mirror back what they say to you in order to determine if you have fully understood their message.  In order to do this you may say things such as “I heard you say___________, is that what you meant to say?”  Fully listening to and understanding another individual’s responses to you will help you correct any inaccuracies and make sure your message is received. 

Secondly, you must think about the person who is your intended audience.  What do you know about them?  How are they like you and how are they different?  While saying something one way might be the best way for you to receive a message, saying something the exact same way to someone who thinks and reacts to things differently than you might send a completely different message than you intended.  Everything you say should be catered to the message recipient so that the message is most likely to be received accurately.  Perhaps you like people who are very direct and to the point but the person you are speaking to is conflict averse and needs something softened a bit.  This is a factor you must consider when deciding what it is you want to say and how you want to say it.

Finally, always go into conversations thinking about your goal for that conversation.  Don’t try to pile too much into a conversation, especially if you know that the other party isn’t going to like what you have to say.  One can become lost in defensiveness if he/she feels that the other person is challenging what he/she is saying.  This is an emotional response that may cause a conversation to derail completely.  If you can keep your cool by staying focused on your goal for the conversation, you can easily steer it back to the intended topic rather than getting lost in the other topics that may get pulled into the discussion. Additionally, recognizing that the other party doesn’t need to agree with you to hear what you have to say can be a valuable asset to any conversation.

So, next time you have to have a difficult conversation, remember to stay calm and focused on your goal.  When possible, spend some time in advance thinking about your audience and catering what you have to say to them specifically.  Make sure that you are actively listening to any response so that you can correct any misunderstandings before they spiral out of control.  All of these things are just as important as what message you want to convey and being able to express yourself in a way that connects with your audience will make a world of difference in your ability to communicate effectively.