Parenting and Technology

Any parent is familiar with the idea of limiting “screen time” with their children, but, due to rapid advances in technology, parents today have a whole new expanse of concerns that former generations have never faced. The consequences of these decisions are bigger than you might suspect.  These days, you cannot watch the news without being faced with stories of children being lured away by online predators or bullied through online forums.  There are tons of books and resources advising parents on how to protect their children from these risks, but what about the quieter and more insidious issues technology presents for children?

First of all, screen time effects sleep.  The back lighting of any screen stimulates the human brain, interrupting REM cycles of sleep, so any screen time within half an hour of bedtime will prevent you from having quality sleep.  It is highly unlikely that our teenagers, who typically sleep with their phones next to their beds, are abstaining from screen time at least half an hour before bed.  This leaves us with a portion of the population (who already requires extra sleep due to biological changes occurring at this stage of their lives) feeling even more sleep deprived.  Poor school performance, low ability to regulate their emotions and poor attention span are just some of the things that can result from this sleep deprivation, which can compound over time.

Technology also appears to be creating children with lower empathic ability.  It is easy to be brazen or hurtful when you don’t have to look someone else in the eye and experience their reaction when you do it.  Kids have always had the capacity to be very cruel, especially in groups, but technology has offered them even more access with which to be cruel, intentionally or unintentionally.  Previous generations never had to worry about being excluded from a party and seeing the evidence of your exclusion on multiple social media platforms in real time.  All of this translates into generations of people who struggle with real human connection.  Think about the time before a class or seminar began or before a meeting at work when you would actually make small talk with others around you.  That small talk sometimes blossomed into friendships, and sometimes it didn’t, but it was all practice that made you feel more connected to your fellow man.  All of that has largely disappeared as we watch people looking at phones or tablets right up until (and sometimes even after) their attention is required.  Technology is isolating and is leading to higher levels of depression.  Even people who are not inclined toward depression can find it extremely isolating when they are struggling with challenges only to open Facebook and see how wonderful everyone else’s life seems to be.  This unfair comparison leads to a feeling that you are alone in your struggles which exacerbates depressive symptoms.

The final scary thing about technology is that it is addicting.  Who can ignore the recent New York Post article that likened Minecraft to digital heroin (this can be found on my home page for reference)?  The truth is that text messages and IM have been linked to dopamine release in your brain and have much the same effect as gambling.  Studies have shown that adolescents who begin using drugs or alcohol are much more likely to become addicts.  It seems that the over use of technology during these impressionable years could lead to similarly addicting outcomes.

Despite all the negative impacts that come from technology, there are a myriad of benefits too.  It is wonderful to be able to use cell phone tracking to know where your child is at all times, or to know they can reach you in emergencies.  Most schools use a lot of technology in the classroom to expand learning opportunities as well. 

So my advice is to teach your kids good technology habits.  Wait as long as possible before giving your child a phone.  Decide as a family when acquiring a phone makes sense.  I suggest that you wait until your child is often attending activities without you or without a supervising adult.  Have periods of time for unplugging such as family dinners and model the behavior you want to see.  Everyone should take that time as a charging break where they plug their phones in and leave them plugged and out of sight for the duration of the meal.  Turn off your phone and give your child your full attention sometimes to model how they should treat others in their lives and allow them to feel truly important to you.  Leave phones at home when you are going out as a family or just have one person take a phone for emergency use only.  Most importantly, buy them an old fashion alarm clock and have them turn off their phones and leave them in a basket near the front door at least a half an hour before bed.  Take your children to volunteer to help those in need to teach them the importance of empathy.  Finally, talk to them often about things they might encounter on line so that they learn how to avoid, and respond to, the pitfalls that may come with technology.

Technology: Friend or Foe of Your Mental Health

Technology has been wonderful for our society in so many ways.  We can keep in touch with people all over the world easier.  It has improved our time management by allowing us to do more, faster. It even allows us to benefit from the experience of countless strangers so that we can find the best restaurant, hotel or vacation spot.  In much of the world, nobody ever needs to be lost or  out of communication again. But have you ever considered what ways technology might be harming you?

For those of you that follow the articles on my page, you may have noticed an article that I posted last week discussing the increase in depression due to technology.  We often underestimate the stimulating effects of screen time.  I hear from people that they watch TV before bed because they can just “shut their mind off and be entertained”, but this couldn’t be farther from the truth.  Whether you are consciously aware of it or not, the back lighting and images on the screen stimulate your brain. They interrupt your natural ability to fall asleep and stay asleep if used too close to your bed time because they disrupt your natural sleep rhythm.  Sleep deprivation often causes an inability to regulate your emotions or think positively.  Depression is not a big leap from there.  

Another problem with our use of technology is how isolating it can be.  Despite our ability to keep in contact with everyone around the world, we often don’t feel genuine connection in these interactions.  Electronic communications are often much more superficial interactions as we no longer need to talk to or see other people to communicate with them.  This allows social anxieties to flourish through avoidance of actual, personal interaction.  Social cues are lost in texts and emails because we do not have to read body language or benefit from hearing the tone of voice used by the counter party.  It is easy to assign intention to someone else’s texts or emails even if that isn’t what they were thinking at all.  Not to mention the way social media can make people feel:  who hasn’t had a day where they look at everyone’s happy times on social media and judge their own normal life in negative ways?  Why isn’t my life as exciting as theirs?  Why wasn’t I invited to that event?  Why is their marriage happier? 

I also believe that technology is a large contributor to the increasing number of patients with anxiety that I am seeing in my practice.  It becomes easy to feel overwhelmed when we can never disconnect from work or personal expectations.  Our family time is often interrupted by competing demands which can damage our relationships with the people who want, and deserve, our full attention.  Quick response time has become expected in most industries and this creates pressure to respond immediately to anything you receive. 

The anonymity afforded by technology also makes it easier to say things to someone remotely that we would never say to their face.  We don’t have to watch them cry when we hurt them or be embarrassed when we share things about them.  This cyber bullying is no longer an anomaly.  It is a regular practice, not just for teens but adults too.  In our quest to be the first to disseminate information or photos to the world, we often don’t take the time to think through the ramifications of our actions.

As a therapist I am often tasked to develop ways for someone to combat or manage all of these technological encroachments and the resulting negatives they impose on the framework of their life.  I suggest thinking about picking up a phone or visiting someone in person when you have the time.  You will be surprised at how much more positive the interaction will seem to you and how much more you (and the other person) will get out of it.  It is also necessary to pick times in your day when you can disconnect from your technology and focus on other priorities in your life.  This often requires shutting down your phone, tablet or computer and leaving the room.  Before you give me all the reasons you can’t do that, ask yourself what you might actually be missing? If a crisis occurs, I am sure that those close to you would know how to reach you.  Is there really anything that can’t wait for an hour?  Then think of all that can be gained while you take a break from the electronic world and reconnect with the physical world.  It affords you the opportunity to truly recharge your emotional battery and connect with people in your life who would love to have your undivided attention.  If you still feel unable to disconnect, ask yourself what you might be missing in your life because you are paying too much attention to the technology.  My guess is that you are missing a lot.  

Christian Lous Lange once said that “Technology is a useful servant but a dangerous master.”  This is as true today as ever before.  Spend some time today taking back control over your life from the technology you have become increasingly reliant on.  You might see some remarkable results.