On Being Overwhelmed
Sunday, March 13, 2016 at 3:17PM I often encounter people who come to my practice seeking help because they feel overwhelmed. Effective time management is not something that comes naturally to certain people. These people often compare themselves to others in their life and lament their lack of ability to accomplish their daily tasks. I believe that these feelings often originate when someone is unable to prioritize what is important. They may actually get a lot of items checked off their daily task lists, but never seem to get to the important things that they find enriching. My suggestions for change in these situations are often met with a great deal of resistance. Individuals waste more time and energy arguing with themselves about all the reasons they cannot accomplish what they have set out to do than it would take them to actually accomplish it.
In order to help patients learn how to prioritize within their life, I introduce the concept of an emotional energy jar. I ask them to visualize their jars in their minds. The reality is that if their jars are empty they have nothing left to give. They will feel lethargic, distracted, and lack confidence in abilities to complete tasks. People with empty jars feel as though they constantly hit road blocks along the way that make it impossible to reach their goals. It often seems counter intuitive in our society which values selflessness so highly, for anyone to slow down and take the time for self-care. However, taking care of yourself is the only way to refill your jar. Do you know that feeling that you get when you participate in a hobby you love or spend time with your best friend? That is the emotional energy that helps you get through the day-to-day road blocks of life. It is not selfish to go get your nails done or order a pizza for dinner if the result is that your jar fills up and you have more to give to others. When your jar is full not only do you problem solve better, but you have more energy to complete more items in shorter periods of time. It has a trickle down effect to so many other areas of your life: you sleep better, your relationships with others improve, etc.
But individuals with tendencies to be overwhelmed often struggle because they assign every facet of their lives the same level of importance, despite the fact that some things clearly are of greater value. The small scale solution to this problem is simple. Every day, make a list of what you need to accomplish. Your list may be quite large and include long-term and short-term projects. In order to feel good about the progress you are making, break long term goals into shorter and more manageable chunks. Then when you have a realistic list of what you might be able to accomplish within the confines of a day, assign every item a number. You can only assign one item as your number one, one item as your number two and so on. In this way you have just forced yourself to decide what are your priorities for the day.
Another problem that people often encounter is underestimating how long items will take them to accomplish something. Are you self-aware enough to know that if you go into Target for toilet paper you will also look at housewares? Spend a week logging how long certain tasks that you do regularly really take you to complete. What you discover may shock you. You may be much slower at ironing or packing lunches for the day than you thought for instance. It helps to have reasonable expectations for yourself regarding time on task. If you really know how long something takes you, then you will have reasonable expectations for what you can get done in a day. It also may help you remind yourself to stay on task at the store if you truly don't have time for "window shopping".
Taking the time to get organized before you are off and running for the day might also help maximize your productivity. This is often an area where my suggestions meet with a lot of resistance. However, if you think about it logically and rationally (that is to say removed from an emotional response) you will realize that taking some time to think through what you are going to accomplish and what you need to accomplish it, does actually save you time. If you look at recipes and make an exhaustive list for the grocery store you are less likely to forget something and need to go back.
So stop wasting your time arguing all the reasons my suggestions won't work. This is a waste of what little emotional energy is left in your jar and is taking up way more time than you think. Make time to recharge with the things you enjoy. All the other tasks will still be there when you are done. Prioritize what actually needs to be accomplished. Be self-aware enough to have reasonable expectations for what you are capable of. Finally, take the time to organize first. You will be amazed at how efficient you can be!
Reader Comments (2)
I found this article very helpful and familiar from sessions. I printed it out so that I could write in the margins, take notes, make an outline and in as many ways I could think of, absorb these very useful ideas.
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